Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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