Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
