Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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