If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
