I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
