i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
