Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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