I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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