So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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