i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
