I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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