I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
