i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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