Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sorry my hands just texted you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
