i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize