I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
