Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
