I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
