Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
