How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
COCAINE IS GR8
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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