At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
