she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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