i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
