I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
