his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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