he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize