hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
