I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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