you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
