I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
