so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
