i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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