Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
