i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
