I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
