That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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