She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
