I'm so fucking centered right now
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
