Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
