My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize