I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize