she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
They took my balls.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Randomize
