he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
