actually, I'm a sock model
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
