At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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