Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
