the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
