you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
