i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
