I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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