Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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