I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
