Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
