as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
