I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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