we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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