This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize