i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
