I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
