Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
