Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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