24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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