my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
