We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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