is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
