the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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