Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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