my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
